I Love Walking In The Rain Because Nobody Can See Me Crying!

I wish it rains now!
I like rains, I like the feeling of getting wet. I cry -- at times -- in the godly shower because no body can see me crying.

                Tears idle tears I know not what they mean
gather in the heart and rise to the eyes

I don't have a reason to cry. Still I do. My pals don't know this side of me. Most of the time, I make them laugh. In cafe's and clubs. At home and away. We joke and have fun. Like a jester -- a clown -- in some ancient king's court. Sam's brand of sharp, witty humour, they yell.

In private -- at times -- on dark evenings and rainy days, I sob. I cry for my mom. Her love. She should not have left me like this in a big, bad world. Unloved and unprotected. God, not fair!

I love strange and beauteous things. Like...people who don't love me. Birds. Trees. Rain. Sun-set. Snow. Books. Fish. Flowers. Dew. Friends. Twilight. Honesty. Life.

I dreamt a beautiful dream last night. I was on a carriage. It was going to a snow-land. It was fitted with lights and bells.. God knows. Santa waved to me on the way. I trundled on.

I Promise I'll Never Leave You

Being pushed from this cloud of love
When I close my eyes,hit the ground
Though I keep falling faster than time
Still crash to memories without sound

Would have given up my life for you
You vowed that you would never leave
Yet here I am so cold and alone
Your words of love I always believed

No faith in God no trust in Love
Still breathing as life has just begun
Unleash sadness from my black heart
Or am I past the point of no return

Please come back to me my love
Can't live on memories of yesterdays
Needing your love back in my heart
Praying you'll come back to stay

Tired of drowning in my own tears
Pictures of your face fading away
Hope to come out of this midnight train
With your hands in mine someday


Waiting for you with open arms
How could I ever leave you
Always needed you here with me
To our love I'll always be tru

Trying To Forget You

Up until now
I had so much to say
but it's everything I've said
that's gotten in my way

I won't talk about you
anymore to anyone
the time for that has passed
it's just over with and done

supposed-to-be forgotten words
are still dancing in my head
and I'm just trying to "not remember"
a single thing you've said

I wanna forget all about you
who you are and what your name is
cause it's causing so much pain
and I honestly can't take this

feel like killing myself

I am killing myself slowly enough

I guess I never was that tough
My energy is draining
As my mind is insaning,

It hurts so much
Let me lose touch
My heart doesn't need this
I just want to feel one small kiss
Of love, of feeling, of rightness,
And I wouldn't need to beg for numbness
Because my soul is so trapped
Inside a body that isn't mine
What am I to do?
 Give up and die too?
Or try my hardest to stay here
But what if I'm really over there . .